If Operating Systems Were Beers...
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read
the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in
an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking
it after it's no longer available.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac
Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows
you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only
drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking
the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason,
a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 95 Beer:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim
it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more
like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside,
the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep
drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say
they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has
some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer
claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes
most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks
just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can
to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping.
Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for
use in bars.
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered
by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When
you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not
on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that
"you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to
drag your empties to the trashcan.
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously.
Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower.
Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake
them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer
(International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim
that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops
break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener
around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set
of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up
by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer
never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand
marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and
loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz.
cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and
colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears
dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping.
However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely